A new journey

This time last year, we were getting ready to leave our home of ten years. It was a sad time as we didn't want to leave but our landlord wanted to house back to sell. We then stayed with family for the following 9 months until we were able to move into our own house in May. During that time, there was the lockdown and just trying to keep myself positive when we were not in our own space together as a family or able to see anybody or be able to work. 

During lockdown, I put alot of pressure on myself to make the most of the time. To find a path and to work on a book and my blog and my personal work but it just didn't work out that way. I felt like i wa treading water a little and I actually spent a lot of time trying to homeschool the girls and to keep them happy and make sure they were not struggling. It was a hard for me but it was harder on them! Trying to understand the world around them when they were not in their own home and in isolation. 

I decided to be patient with myself. I knew a path would come to me if I just waited and allow myself to grow. We moved into our house and I felt so calm. We were together again and my husband had completely renovated the house and garden. I was able to get my boxes of treasures out, create spaces in the house that made me happy and spend my days gardening. I started to find the things I loved. I spent the days pottering and adventuring and playing with flowers and baking and writing and one day, I looked in the mirror and I knew that I loved myself. I have never had that feeling. I knew that I was allowing myself to be exactly who I was. I was filling my days with magical moments and I was happy. 

This morning, I woke up before everyone else and I sat at my desk to write some lists. A list of things I wanted to find at the charity shop, period dramas and films to watch, seeds I needed to buy, things I wanted to bake. It was during that list making by candle light that I found my path. I have always pushed myself into photographing weddings or families because I couldn't think of what else I could do and It always seemed like a safe option. 

I already have a full time job so I knew that I didn't need a path right away that could create an income and that has taken the pressure of immensely. It has made me think of what I want my future to look like and how I want my days to look like. Writing those lists made me see that creating small and magic moments in my day such as planting seeds or baking or playing around with flowers or making soup. Those small things are what I enjoy and what I have loved sharing on my social media recently. 

So, I am going to create a youtube channel where I create mini films of these things I love to do so I can share them. Films of baking. Films of gardening. Films of running through the meadow to get to the forest and lying under the trees to listen to the birds. I love creating films and I have been doing it for years but now I feel like I have a purpose and I cannot wait to create and share these films. I do kind of wish I did this at the start of summer as there are so many moments I wish I had filmed and been able to share but that is where instagram has come in and I have just loved being completely myself there. 

For the first time ever, I am embracing all that I am. I have finally accepted myself and my body and that I am a little different and I am so ready to share the moments I love with everyone. Creating films for people to escape into. I have ideas for lookbooks as well which will lead into the second part of this new journey which is my vintage shop. I opened this two years ago but haven't updated with any new stock and I cannot wait to spend hours in the second hand shops and sourcing vintage dresses and blouses and nightgowns to sell. 

So my path. Creating magical films and creating a magical vintage shop. I will not be putting pressure on myself but I hope in years to come, my days will be spent creating content and sourcing vintage garments. I couldn't think of anything better!