Fitness in February

This post is very late and i nearly didn't do an update this month but i felt like it was important for my journey and that i needed to tell my full story as i venture on this lifestyle change.

The first month, as you can see from my update here, was amazing. I did so well. I stayed very motivated and strict and results were starting to show in my measurements. I made a concious decision at the beginning of January to weigh myself on the 1st but then to not weigh myself until i felt ready to or that i felt a definite change.

I went into February strong and motivated still. I carried on with every single workout and ate clean. There were some nights were i craved things and there were a few tears because i should have been allowing myself them but i just couldn't let myself and i became frustrated at myself on many occasions but i didn't let myself give in. It then got to the middle of February. I was half way through my 12 week guide. I had lost inches and i woke up one Saturday morning and felt like i wanted to weigh myself. I was sure i had lost a decent amount and i wanted to a marking point for my week 6. I hopped on the scales, half nervous but half excited to see what i had achieved. You have to remember that at this point, i had been working out 6 days a week and i hadn't cheated once in the foods i was eating. I hadn't touched any processed foods or sugars and i had really worked hard over those weeks. I looked down at the scale and i had lost..1 pound. I was devastated. I could not believe that i had worked so hard and had only lost 1 pound. The panic set in and i felt completely defeated. Now, in hindsight, i shouldn't have weighed myself at all but also, i KNOW that muscle weighs more than far and i KNOW that i have the slowest metabolism in the world and respond very slowly to weight loss but still that panic set in. These thoughts came rushing in that, of course, i had been eating too much or i wasn't working out hard enough and i spend the day just battling with myself and my thoughts on what to do.

I don't really share too much about my past on here but a little background to this is i have had big food issues since i was 11 years old. I don't think there has been a point in my life (except during my pregnancies) since i was 11 where i haven't had some sort of problem with food or been in the complete full blow grips of a disorder. I have come to terms that it is something that will always be there but it is something that i CAN control and stop from happening. On that day where i got on the scales, these negative thoughts can rushing back. Those thoughts telling me to not eat or to make myself sick or to work out double every day. It got to the evening and i hadn't eaten anything at all but i felt this empowerment and i went into the kitchen and for the first time in my life, i took control before it took control of me. I could have easily just been triggered into months and months or starving and being sick but i don't want to ever be in that place again and i went into the kitchen and i filled up my plate with any food that i wanted and i ate it and afterwards, i didn't feel guilty or the urge to run to the bathroom. I just felt relieved that i had eaten "normal" food. I decided to give myself a little break. I carried on with my workouts but every few days, i allowed myself some chocolate or something as a treat.

Last week, i decided that i need a complete rest. I really was exhausted and i wasn't enjoying my workouts. I had put far too much pressure on myself and i do actually love working out and the workouts that i do and being healthy but i needed a break. I knew that this was the lifestyle choice for me but i also need to keep in control over my thoughts and giving myself a break from working out allowed me to refocus. I spent the week looking at more food recipes and new idea to try. I looked at how to count macros to make sure i was getting enough protein and fats into my diet and getting the balance right and i spent some time looking at different workouts.

So moving forward, i restarted healthy eating and my workout regime yesterday. I have started the Kayla Itsines's workouts from week 1. I got up to week 10 and only had 2 more weeks left but i wanted to start again. This isn't about a quick fix for me, this is about a long term lifestyle choice and i want to stay healthy and to keep my mind healthy and starting from week 1 will do that. I am going into this with a "be more kind to myself" attitude. I want to be the healthiest i have ever been. I have really put my body through enough and i want to be the best role model to the girls. If they can see their Mummy is healthy and strong, then they will want to be like that too.

So, next month's update is only two weeks away but i am looking forward to updating already as i am feeling inspired all over again. And this time, no more scales!!