Elle

My girls are so different. Elle has become very quiet, spends a lot of time learning and doing school work and writing stories and Mia is very loud, loves playing with every toy in sight and loves being with all the time.

Before Mia was born and when she was a baby, Elle and i used to climb into my bed in the evenings a lot for snuggles and movies before she would fall asleep next to me and i would carry her to her own bed. I cherished those moments and loved having that time with her but as Mia has gotten older and Elle has started school, there hasn't been much opportunity for Elle and i to have that time together without Mia wanting to join in or without Elle being tired as she has school so last night when i went to bed, i checked on on Elle. She was awake and asked if i could get her a drink. I felt a little bit excited that she was still awake and i scooped her up and carried her into my bed as Gilles is away for the week with work.

Even though she is only 6, Elle is quite mature and independant and i miss that little baby that was my world 24 hours a day for 2 and a half years before her sister came along. I miss that time of having her with me every day. I hate that she is at school and that i am missing out on everything she is doing 6 hours a day. She has this whole new world and other adults that she looks up to and those teachers and assistants get to know everything little thing about her and get to see her little face when she manages to read a tricky word or get a maths question right whilst i don't. I don't get to share that part of her life anymore and it makes me so sad. I seem to want to know everything about her day and eveything she did.

When i pulled her close to me last night, she went into her baby voice and i caught a glimpse of the little person she was only a few years ago. There wasn't a lot of light in the room, just the hall light through the door but she looked so grown up. I could see how she was going to look in years to come with her button nose, turned up lips and hundreds of freckles. She was talking about school and how she has been learning about bullies and the points system in her class when they have been good or bad. She got the top points score last term for her class for good behaviour and is really proud of herself. She started talking about how she cannot wait for my birthday so she can bake me a surprise cake and do all my jobs for me. How she wants to study hard to be an astronomer and a protector to all the bugs and insects.  I felt this huge wave of emotion come over me. I told her how proud i was of her and how she made me very happy and she moved in closer and rubbed her nose on mine. i couldn't ask for a more perfect little girl. She is so loving and kind. She loves adventures and is such a nature girl. Her favourite thing to do is to sit in the woods with her nature journal or to collect flowers and grass in her basket.

It breaks my heart to know that she is getting older and older now and is exploring this whole new world away from me. That i am not the one that she needs 24 hours a day any more. I wish i could keep her 6 forever because as Elle told me the other day "7 is like nearly a teenager!"