Raspberry and Almond

Day 9. Today we are going to bake some cakes.

Raspberry and Almond cakes

115g (4oz) butter

85g (3oz) caster sugar

1/2 tsp almond extract

2 free range eggs

85g (3oz) self-raising flour

55g (2oz) ground almonds

85g (3oz) fresh raspberries, cut in half

2 tbsp flaked almonds

1. Preheat the over to 180 (gas mark 4).

2. Place the butter, caster sugar and almond extract in a large bowl . Beat together until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in the eggs.

3. Sift in the flour and mix

4. Fold in the ground almonds and raspberries

5. Spoon into the cupcake cases and then scatter the flaked almonds on top.

6. Bake for around 25 minutes.

I am glad i managed to do some baking with Elle today. I just havent felt right this week. I started back at work on wednesday and did two full days. Its been such a shock to the system. I just havent felt right. I feel immense guilt. I dont want to leave the girls. I dont want them to go to nursery. I want to be there for them all the time. I know it is good to have your own space and your own time and life away from the children but i just dont want that and the fact that i am now having those two days at work is making me feel awful. More than anything, i just wish we were in a position where i could stay at home. Work is lovely and i like the people i work with but its not where i should be and i am struggling with this guilt. Guilt is the worst feeling. I just feel so happy being with the girls and being a homemaker.

When will this feeling ever go away?

p.s I am over at our footprints on the world today talking about my christmas.